Wednesday, February 8, 2012

To Help You This Hump Day...

Since we have become so close, I thought for this Awkward and Awesome this week I would tell you a story that I have only told a few people. But there is no awesome in this story. It's extremely embarrassing and you probably won't believe it but I thought that my awkward moment will supply you with enough laughter to help you get over Hump Day and all the way to the weekend.
Are you ready?

Prepare yourself of the BEST/WORST first kiss story you will ever hear in your lifetime.

Where I got kissed in a hardware store and it turned into the biggest nightmare of my teenage life.

Oh high school, where my daily tasks only included how to get the boy I liked to like me back and how I would style my hair that day. Not only was I on a mission and boy crazed, but my lips felt left out among my peers. They had yet to feel the satisfaction of being kissed for the first time. Little did I know.

At the time, I had lined up my potential victim. Of course, with a school dance approaching and that said boy as my date, I knew I couldn't miss out on this prime opportunity to move in. As the dance came upon me, I danced my heart out and knew that this would be the last night my lips would ever feel lonely. 

After the dancing festivities commenced my group of friends, my date and myself headed to the local hardware store for a game of Capture The Flag. (One of my friend's father owned the local hardware store and let us hang out there after hours. What man would let 15 teenagers play around a bunch of saws in the dark is beyond me.) Even though the location was anything but what I had imagined, the mood was set. Time seemed to move slowly after this and my confidence began to wither at the thought of  at any moment my lips would soon be kissed. As we wandered down a dark and abandoned isle I was then abruptly met with the unexpected reach at my face and 2 lips pressed against it. Missing the other half of my lips, totally ruining any last bit of romance that was connected to that kiss.

I was upset. The moment I had been longing for had come and I had totally ruined it. But I had a second chance! The Kiss Goodnight! YES! As we walked up to the door step and I felt the tension and anticipation for the second kiss. It was coming, coming, concentrate Lauren, coming, don't screw this up Lauren, coming and it happened! But instead of fireworks and full lip-lock all I felt was the thrust of that boy's tongue forced in my innocent and non-experienced mouth.

What is that?!?!?! Ew! Ew!


So of course my first reaction was to flinch, close my mouth, and pull myself away from this being eating my face. 

The only thing I forgot in this process was that this boy's tongue was still present in my mouth as I quickly closed my mouth taking a nice bite into his tongue.
Uh...did that just happen? Maybe he didn't notice?

I walked away and said nothing about it to anyone. I thought my life was over and I didn't know how I would face him at ever again.

The following Monday, I didn't have to face him but was bombarded by his friends with, "Lauren. Are you hungry?" proceeded with them taking a big chopping bite, followed by contagious laughter among each other.

No, now THAT was when my life was officially over, and thus completed the biggest nightmare of a kiss of my teenage life. I had my first kiss, in a hardware store, took half of a human's tongue and the shame along with me. Oh life. Why?


  1. K, since I was totally in your dance group and was present that very night why oh why can't I remember who your date was!!? That is awesome though! Awesomely awkward. Why didn't I hear about this at the cheer practice immediately following!!? You are too funny Lauren!

  2. I bit my first kiss too!!! hahah, Lauren! I love you!!

  3. Jordan was so dumb to do that to you for a first kiss!