Saturday, August 27, 2011

I wish I could just be in your arms,
so that I know that my heart will finally be at peace.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Conversations with my teenaged brothers.

So basically my MUCH younger brothers are hilarious and sadly have learned all their life lessons from reality TV.
As the much older sister I feel obligated to chime in and give them words of wisdom of the 5-6 years longer I've lived than them.

My conversation with my baby brother Eric on dating...

Thank you Patty Stanger and the Millionaire's Club.

Two weeks in the awkwardness...

Oh life with the top down, in California and having long hair.
Fighting the wind was pretty much impossible at this point.
So love these photos for all their glory because they aren't some to be proud of.
4 hours of sleep.
Make-up from the night before.
Fed our faces with the most amazingly greasy food from Hash House.

+ Rushing at work and gathering several plates and racing back to another table to check up on how they are doing and noticing them staring at me.
What the heck?
"Um, you have something on your face."
Looks like I was trying to save some mashed potatoes for later.
+My little girls getting elbowed by a coworker and them responding with, "Well at least it felt nice for me."
+My teacher telling me how fancy I am. Pretty much trying to define me and all my ridiculousness. I secretly think all my teachers love my awkwardness.
+How much attention my hiny gets. It's almost as embarrassing as me. 
Unless your names are Kim Kardashian or Beyonce Knowles.

+Um, Hash House. When the places brings you a three person sized plate of french toast you can easily be deemed as Awesome.
+I finally got my palm read. It was actually quite freaky how dead on she was about a few things.
Don't worry, I'm not a true believer. All in fun.
+As a past contact wearer I am happy to say that I opened my eyes underwater for the first time in years! I'm a little embarrassed to say that I was nervous.
+Asian baby on one of my tables that smiled so hard at me that his chubby fat cheeks went so much up into his eyes that all he had left with were little straight lines.
Can I steal your baby? You won't mind? Thanks.
+Apparently I am good at talking to famous football players but being totally oblivious to the fact that they play any sport at all.
Pretty sure I asked one of them if they were Busta Rhymes.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Too Cute Brothers...oh and it's Tuesday

Too Cute Tuesday.
Well this is my Too Cute little brother Shawn.

Everyone say hello to Shawn.
Hi, Shawn.
We love your sister, Shawn.
Just helping you people out.

Well I decided to include him on this week's Too Cute Tuesday because today my brother is packing his little and fully crammed room up and moving to Chicago.
He got offered to play and pitch for Aurora University's Baseball team for his freshman year of college.
I'm so excited and happy for him. I think this whole experience will be great for him.
I remember being in his shoes six years ago, a little scared but excited to see where things would lead.
He's going to do great and grow up to be a great man.
Good luck little bro! I'll come and visit soon, I promise!

Dear Little Brother,
You're mutant tall.
You are exactly like Dad.
I think you're awesome even if you think I'm embarrassing.
I like you even though you haven't learned how cool I am yet.
You're going to kill baseball this year.
I'm pretty sure you'll probably make it to the Major Leagues. 
Sorry, I haven't been around much in the last six years.
But most of all I'm so proud of you.
Well now I'm going to cry; calm down womaness.

Your Favorite Sister.

Oh and I have another cutie-pie of a baby brother also. Let's not forget about him and his witty sarcasm of a mouth that probably one day make him extremely successful or get him in trouble. 
Most likely both.
Even if he hates me after I posted this picture. Love ya Eric!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Can Life Move Faster?

San Francisco, Salt Lake City, New York City, Chicago, or Boston.
All I want to do is have an excuse to live in one of these cities. Hint, Hint a job would be fantastic.
And have my own apartment, with my own furniture, and a puppy to snuggle/spoon with too.
Oh how amazing life would can I be there already, please?

Sunday, August 14, 2011


I kind of want to write a book one day.
About what, you ask?
Have you met me?
If you have, then there's no need to explain further.
If you haven't, let's just say I could fill a book or multiple books with my witty banter paired with all the embarrassing/awkward stories that have filled my oh-so-shortly-lived life.

So. Maybe.
Maybe, I'll write a book.
So everyone else can understand my level of ridiculous.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

awkward and awesome middle of week day.

A collage for you in all it's awkwardness!
As part of my family's yearly trip here, obviously it included a day at Disneyland because it will probably be the last time they ever get in for free.

This is what I learned that day:
That every picture I pretty much look as though I was far too hot so I decided to not wear any clothes.
(view very top right Space Mountain photo. naked.)
That my brothers are 17 & 18 years old now and think about only one thing. 
My brothers are now ridiculously taller than me
(how/when did this happen?)
I now know where my awkwardness comes from
(view third picture down from the right. dad being "awesome and amazing" and half asleep)

+Standing in line, I gently feel a little hand reach up my dress and graze my toosh.
oh hello little one, we just met. Should I be worried that this isn't the first time that this has happened?
+At the beach, getting tossed around and let's just say I had a Tara Reid moment and one of my little friends just happened to come out.
This was just awful than awkward. no one should have to see that.
+Someone challenged me to dance at work. Don't ever challenge me to do something because I WILL do it. So I got my dorky dance on and danced like a fool, turned around and a nice little audience of fellow cast-mates watching.
red face. red face. red face.
+Someone reaching for a hug and I awkwardly thought they were trying to give me a high-five. The end result was both awkward and embarrassing for us both.

+As you probably already know my business cards came and just physically holding them in my hand just remind me how close to educational freedom I am.
+Seeing my brothers' faces when we went to the Angels baseball game on Friday. They loved every second of it even if they'll never admit it.
+Younger brother is moving to Chicago to pitch for Aurora University's baseball team and I am so excited and proud.
Good job little bro! 
Show them how a "Jacob-son gits 'er done"!
+The odd level of tiredness where everything is extremely funny and laughing until you cry.
+The "mom face" (the face that our mom, or any mom for that matter makes every time we're on any type of roller coaster that is equipped with a hidden camera.)
I secretly love my mom for it even if she gets embarrassed by it.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

yes i meant every word of this.

Too Cute Tuesday.

Well I spent most of my day on my computer.
And I spent a good 2 hours waiting for my car to get it's oil changed.
And then my computer died.
And I was bored.
And then I was stuck in awkward silence in the "customer lounge."
Yeah, it was a pretty relaxing time.
Whomever thought beige was a relaxing and calm color, obviously haven't realized that it's none of those things.

Monday, August 8, 2011

it's official.

I am graduating.
I have my own business cards physically in my hands.
I have a website here.
I have only 5 weeks of school left.
I am freaking myself out that not I'm freaking out more about this whole ordeal.
Wish me luck.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

sometimes i think i'm hilarious.

some googly-eyed, teen aged girl posted this to my brother on facebook.
little did she know that something like this is never left untouched by my witty commentary.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Awkward and Awesome Wednesday 4 days late.

This is us. At the US Open of Surfing last Saturday. And we are awesome and I am the awkwardness in the mix.

+One time I asked my friend if  I had a lazy eye because I was scared that I might have had one. I've always been worried that I was that person that had one, but no one had the guts to tell me.
+Being charged extra for pickles. Seriously? 
Their excuse: they are homemade.
Whoopie, you stuck a cucumber in a jar of pickle juice, I hardly think that's an excuse to charge an extra dollar.
 +Entered the restaurant Friday's
Greeter: Thanks for visiting Friday's!
Me: We just got here.
+Anything named Pink Taco. The restaurant, the drink, anything really. And then I laugh immaturely at it for awhile.
+After 6 years at Disneyland, still to this day when I'm dropping my bag of money into the safe at the end of the night
I sing THIS song.

 +The Utah Jacobson's came to visit me finally in Cali for a whole week.
+One instructor giving our class free dvd's.
Ya know, nothing but casual. Just the studios sending him extra DVDs for his editing students and for him to vote for them for the Oscar's.
+Getting my younger brothers to see the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love with me and promising that I wouldn't tell anyone that they ACTUALLY wanted to go. 
(and that they liked it. double oops.)
+I was totally being sarcastic with my family and was talking about forming some sort of Lauren Fan Club because everyone loves me.
My grandma's response was, 
"I'll be your number 1 fan, sweetheart!"
 (yes, said with enthusiasm. heart melted)

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

A no so cute Tuesday...again.

I know it's Too Cute Tuesday and I'm supposed to have some sort of picture up to show my expected cuteness for the day.
Well, that all went out the window when I decided to wear a vest.
It was one of those days where I thought I was being quite strategic with the pieces I put together.
Forcefully trying to be fashionable.
Verdict: fail
Hence no proof of this outfit.
vest + sundress = clearly not the best decision I've ever made.

But I'll leave you with this, a paper discovered by my Sister Wife Kat that must have been written over 2 years ago when Kat, Allie and myself all worked at Disneyland and we all shared the same hatred for the restaurant.
So we plotted to sabotage the place together.
We were just ever so clever enough to write it down.
Word for word interpretation.

by The Triplets! (name give to us by other employees)

*if this is done then someone will try to fill a glass of coke and get lemonade. Also causing hours of cleaning out the tubes to set them back where they are supposed to be.



*ya know, where it allows for the soda comes out to fill your cup

*every night, no one goes home until all the silverware is polished and rolled. so if they are done wrong, the openers feel the pinch.

*Means you sit, you could float. And it would take days to dry.


Although all of these could possibly do some damage to the location, obviously the only real damage what would be done afterwards would be my reputation that followed me to any other job I decided to apply to.
If you work in a restaurant, you speak my language and are probably laughing right now.
And now we are bonding.


sorry photo taken from phone.

Let's talk about this one time we put together a canoe team for the second year in a row and all we got were pancakes.

Every year, for several years Disneyland lets it's employees participate in it's annual canoe races around the very famous Rivers of America, home of the Fantasmic show.
Every year each location is able to create their own team to compete against others for the title of.... Top Rower?
It's almost ridiculous how serious this event can be for others when the only reward you actually get is a lousy medal and your picture in the employee weekly magazine with Minnie and Mickey Mouse.
And it's even more ridiculous that we all VOLUNTEER for this event which only takes place at 5 o'clock in the morning before Disneyland opens.
Well this year, I decided that I would ACTUALLY participate in a work related something.
So of course, as expected I only committed and signed up as an alternate. 
Can't get too dedicated too fast.
Which made me think I was off the hook, but actually meant that I ended up there almost every practice due to the fact that others didn't agree with the early mornings.

Last year, apparently our team, named "Hopeless," was disqualified for running into a rock.
This year "Hopeless Round II," did one better by getting disqualified before we could even get in the water due to the lack of players.
Epic fail.

The only good thing that we got out of it was lots of laughter, an excuse for cool t-shirts and pancakes to celebrate our loss.
We sure know how to go out in style.

Monday, August 1, 2011

to you.

my name is lauren, some call me lo, i am 24 years of age, and i will soon be a college graduate. i wait tables right now and totally hate it even though others would argue it as the happiest place on earth. i dye my hair because i don't like my natural hair color. i am catholic. so that means i believe in god. i also believe that everything happens for a reason. i do believe in soulmates. i am extremely awkward at being sexy. i tend to tell the dumbest jokes even if i know that they are dumb. i am ticklish in 3 places. i love art and museums, because i know that everything can be beautiful. i love to dance. music is healing. i love camping and anything adventurous. i don't like being alone. i get sad. i love to talk. i will try anything once. you might think i'm embarrassing. i tell the best stories even if i forgot that i told you them already. i say inappropriate things. sometimes i do like to have a drink, socially. i want to have a family. cookies are the main food group of my daily diet. dessert is MY most important meal of the day. i make fun of my awkward looking body. i beat myself up about a lot of things. i believe in love. i laugh a lot at myself, and think i'm the funniest person even if no one agrees. i love to laugh until i cry. my heart is sometimes too open, but i think that is the best kind of heart to have. i wear my heart on my sleeve. i get upset if things don't go my way. and i'd like to believe that i have a very infectious personality, i guess you could say i think it can be beautiful one too.

 if you are okay with all of this, then that's perfect.
because this is who i am and it makes me happy.
if it makes you happy too...
then good.