This picture really has no relevance to what I'm going to write about besides that both are semi-mythical. One looking and one verbally.
Two years ago, I randomly decided that I wanted to get my palms read. At that point in my life I was in a really bad place. Really bad. To the point where I didn't care whether I woke up the next day (I hate even thinking I felt that way). I felt stuck, was going through heart ache, and really didn't have a plan for the rest of my life.
I just wanted someone else, someone to tell me differently. That my life was going to be different than the Hell I was living. So I went to this lady, to paint this image of a different life, a different Lauren that I wanted to be. An imaginary place.
I won't say I took everything this psychic said to heart, because let's be honest, most of the stuff she said about my future was generic.
If I took away anything from that conversation, it was this comment:
She told me that my soonest peak of happiness would be in the year 2014.
Well, one, I was pissed.
2014!?! What the hell lady, it's 2011 and that seems like a heck of a long way to wait for happiness.
Well my friends, it's 2013, and 2014 is just around the corner.
And you know what? I'm pretty darn happy. Right now. In 2013.
The last year hasn't been awful, but I definitely thought I was in a place of "happy" before. Until 2013 happened, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me, and I was forced to create a new life outside of what I thought it was supposed to be. I never thought the possibility of "happier" was actually something, because I thought I was already there.
Boy, was I wrong.
I now know what real happiness is and I am so thankful for it. I realized that happiness wasn't with that person or any sole person in my past. Happiness was within me. And now over time I've accepted and realized that both of us only would achieve our utmost "happiness" when we are apart. And that's when I knew we 100% weren't meant for each other.
I've had weird moments with 2013, it's been quite emotional, and just thinking about 2013 so far and what's to come in the future almost makes me want to cry. Tears of joy. (Yeah, I'm a crier now. Who am I?). I am so blessed with the life I was given this year and I will never forget it.
2013, it has rocked my socks. I just want to give it a good hug and cuddle it every night. (weird?)
I am only proud of the things I've accomplished and participated in, in these past few months. I feel like smiling or maybe crying at the same time (again, with the crying).
If this is what 2013 is like, and 2014 I'm supposed to be happier?
I think my heart might explode and knowing me I'll feel super guilty about stealing all this happiness for myself. But at the same time I want to lock myself in a room with it because I'm so scared this feeling will go away. I don't want it too. I want to stay this Lauren for a long time.
So, can we stay here for awhile? Pretty Please. Happy is a place I'd like to eventually call my permanent home.