Dear Largest Lizard Ever,
Thank you for haunting my life forever by climbing through the doggie door this evening.
I've always wanted one of my worst nightmares to come true.
And also following it with the thud you made when you hit the floor.
It was great dropping all my school stuff in order to scream out loud for five minutes, as I watched you crawl across the room.
Which then lead me to call both of my roommates in horror as to what to do with you.
Thus, making a fool of myself as my roommates laughed on the other line.
Thank you for hiding behind the fax machine, where I couldn't reach you so I had to leave you there in hopes that the cat or the dog would send you to your untimely death.
PS. Warn all your lizard friends that in this house we're lizard murders.