November 101 Updates...in December

I still haven't added to my list, but I'm still crossing them off! 

Here's what I've been up to this last month.

16. Buy Fresh Flowers 1/5

There's really no explaining, and these were for no reason, but to make my insides happy.

32. Try 5 new recipes 2/5

Made this Honey Crunch Pecan Pie (not all from scratch-the crust was store bought) and brought it to a Friendsgiving party. I think people liked it. It smelled delicious, and was able to give the recipe out to someone. Here it is if you'd like it.

40. Kiss a Stranger November 2013

Sorry, Mom. I kissed a complete stranger. I won't lie and say that a little liquid courage didn't help.  I walked over there, asked him to kiss me. When he did, I told him that wasn't very good. And then he kissed me again (and it was better). That is totally out of character for me but I'm proud to get out of my comfort zone and just do it!

44. (an unmentionable item) 1/3 November 2013

That's all you'll ever know.

61. Get a raise November 2013

YAY! I asked for what I wanted and was able to get a raise in addition to what they were going to give me. I stood up for what I thought I was worth and was able to get that raise I've been needing and wanting.

70. Try Eggs Benedict November 2013

It's was my oldest friend Anna's birthday, so I took her out for brunch one day to celebrate. Anna loooves the eggs Benedict. So when I told her I had never had them, she said we had to go to Eggs in the City and try them.

Um, why have I been missing out on those for so long? Heaven.

The one time I dressed like Baby from Dirty Dancing

...and somehow ended up in a 6'5" man's arms 6'5" in the air to the song I've Had the Time of my Life.

Weeks before my friend's wedding, I had searched everywhere, stores and online for the perfect dress. I wanted to look hot. Who doesn't when you know there will be a reunion with a bunch of people you haven't seen in awhile?
Am I right?

Point being, I found the dress I wanted to wear.
Part of it's appeal when I bought it was that it looked like the dress Baby wears in the film Dirty Dancing.

It was perfect.

When time came to go to the wedding, I was so astounded that so many other people referenced that it looked like the dress from Dirty Dancing.
I was dying.
Yes! DREAM COME TRUE!

I swam in the sea of compliments, until one of the bridesmaids was like, you should reenact the scene from Dirty Dancing with my fiance?
screechy record

Say wha?!?!

I looked at her fiance and told him that we don't even know each other, and I would NEVER make him do that.
Weirdly, his fiance would not let it go.

He's strong. He won't drop you.
This was the ultimate trust fall, if I've ever seen one.

After coming back from the ladies' room, I walk into the reception area, and thee song, you know what song I'm talking about, THEE song I've Had the Time of my Life came on.

And who was in the middle of the dance floor?
This girl's 6'5" fiance and her pulling me to do the famous jump with him.

My face immediately went red.
And I insisted that this would not be happening.
Until people started chanting my name...
Why does this happen at every wedding I go to?
and this one

And I buckled under peer pressure.
I just wanted to please my crowd, ya know?

Next thing I know, I'm saying a little prayer and take a deep breathe and run into the arms of a stranger.

...and somehow ended up in a 6'5" man's arms 6'5" in the air to the song I've Had the Time of my Life.

And lived to tell the tale. And it was f*cking awesome.

I like me.

I like me.

I like who I am right now.

I like the person I'm becoming.

I like seeing the person I might develop into.

I like that I'm weird and quarky.

I like the certain parts of me that most people don't know about. The serious side.

I like the loving side of myself.

I like the person I am when it comes to my family.

I like the person I am with my friends or how I am with my friends.

I like me.

Yes, there are a lot of things I could point out about myself that I don't like. But to be honest, when I thought at those things, they were mostly physical things. And then as I write that, that even sounds so stupid to even think that.

I'm a weird believer in that everyone has a path written for them, and you are only given as much as you can handle. Sometimes it's easier and sometimes it's definitely not. I believe that all things happen at certain times in your life for a purpose. For you to learn or to change.

After this past year, I'm glad I've been alone. Just been able to focus on myself and figure out who I am and what I want in MY life, not worrying about how to fulfill someone else's. I feel like I have been forced with this time for a reason. I feel like the universe is telling me that I needed this amount of time to figure it out.  I need to give myself this time to be happy, with most importantly, myself. 

This time was meant for me to learn to like myself. And I like me.

FACT #28

I am handicapped when it comes to opening cardboard food boxes.

the ones with the tab things

I cannot leave a box untouched without it looking like I murdered the box and then tried to make it look like an accident.

then I have to open the bag on the inside

Brunch or Dutch?

Friends! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving!

First, I apologize for a large absence.

Remember my last video and how awful my voice sounded? Well, let's just say that that was the best of it. And I was not able to talk for the next 6 days.

BUT I lived! And ready to tell you another story up on Chronicles of Datelandia.

Check it out here!

Have you told your friends and family to subscribe to my YouTube channel? In fact, have YOU subscribed to my YouTube channel?!

HERE

If you haven't, then I will NOT be thankful for you tomorrow.

lies

If you do, I will forever be grateful. Plus, it's probably a really smart thing, smart people do.

 cause smart people always do smart things

Share how much you love me, and I will share how much I love you. 

I tend to get emotional easily

Doppelganger

Kira Sabin.

If you are reading this: Hello, I'm secretly, but not so secretly obsessed with you and I think we are personally the same emotional person.  And I think we could bond over how mildly embarrassing we both are to our friends and family.

You get me, girl.

Kira Sabin is my emotional doppelganger.

She's like that wise advice or comment that your parents gave to you that one time and tell you exactly what you needed to hear at that certain point in your life. 

And at first you don't really get it, but then later, after the fact, you totally do and your mind is blown!

Kira Sabin is a life coach or love coach? 

I don't know really, but she's kick ass. 

And after I found one of my friends on Facebook posted this recent article, like I said, MIND BLOWN PEOPLE!

I about peed my pants.

THIS ARTICLE RIGHT HERE

This article was exactly what I needed to hear at the right time in my life.

And I feel like she wrote it about me. Is that weird?

You're probably thinking Lauren, really? You're acting like a teenage girl reacting to a Justin Bieber song.

But if you know me at least a little bit, read this article, and you tell me this isn't me.

I triple dog, dare you!

Oh it's on.

Anyways, she has an awesome website called starttravelinglight.com. And if you just browse around just a little, you'll realize why I love her.

Check her out. She's awesome and I wish she read this so we could be best friends, get brunch and mimosas on the weekends, and Instagram it all like normal besties do. Duh.

I don't ask for much.

Text #4

More things you shouldn't text a girl that you're trying to date...

Let's talk about your over use of the word "Righteous."

I'm 100% sure you grew up in Utah your entire life. So unless you've "shred some nar" in a place that isn't completely landlocked. Speak English!

Just because you can handle some "pow" for about 5 months out of the year that there's snow on the ground, that doesn't make you a bro.

And I'm definitely NOT your bro. 

Braaaa!

The Call vs. The Text

Lovies!
I'm up on Chronicles of Datelandia again talkin' about "The Call vs. The Text".
I pretty much just wrote that sentence with my head swerving-it's the sassy pants

If you love it or have any questions leave a comment, write me an email at ljacobson22@GMail.com, or share all this love!  Share on social media, on your blog, on your YouTube channel.
Let's be friends already?!

Or the best, subscribe to my channel on YouTube
If you didn't know you can do that. Well you can!

The Call vs. The Text

We all know you're curious about my mug.
It's from Target (what else is new).
And since I'm horrible at removing tags such as this.
The mug was on sale for $2.
 BOOM!
I'm gonna pop some tags and I've got $18 STILL in my pocket...

101 Updates

Hello lovelies!

I am happy to say that I've been going strong at trying to accomplish at least one or two of my list items a month. I hope I can keep it up.

But at the same time I haven't finished my list. Is that bad? 

32. Try 5 new recipes 1/5

White Chicken Chili/Soup

I found this recipe on Pinterest, and as the cooler weather comes in this recipe is perfect. And not to mention SUPER EASY. I mean, I'm no cook and I could make this taste good. Seriously, there are 5 ingredients. You can find the recipe here. Although, I recommend using 1/2 the chicken broth they recommend if you want a more chili consistency and 5 cups of you want a more soupy. I even tried to get it to reduce, and it didn't do much with the full 6 cups.

66. Watch "Practical Magic" while drinking margaritas October 2013

If you have never seen "Practical Magic" then you won't get the significance of the margaritas. Well my dear friend Erica has never seen that movie. And myself and Julia felt like we needed to ring in October with the movie and some good old margaritas. I recommend the combination.

75. Go to a University of Utah football game October 2013

 My oldest and dearest Anna and her husband are season ticket holders to all the University of Utah football games. Since moving up to Salt Lake I've literally moved from BYU central to U central. And I love it. Anna was nice enough to give me her husband's ticket one night and I had a blast. I plan on going to more next season. Thanks Anna!

FACT #27

I am a chronic butt pincher.

I outted myself. 

In large crowded areas, as I walk by, I will pinch a guy's butt just out of the sheer enjoyment I get seeing out of the corner of my eye, the victim looking around at who it might be.

Ex-tumbler-nated

New video on Chronicles of Datelandia.

Che-Che-Che-Check it out!

Right here

Subscribe to my channel- it's the greatest, I PROMISE!

DO IT NOW. CLICK ON ME!

FACT #26

Sometimes I question why I'm single.

"Like, why universe? BUT I'M SOOO COOL."

And then I remind myself of who I am. And who we're talking about here.

 Then, it's all so clear to me...oh yeah.

Some people just aren't good with weird.

Vlog!

Exciting news! I started a vlog! I don't know how I'm going to keep up this blog and a vlog. Tiring. But I'm going to try and make it happen.

I'll still post each video on here, so everyone can watch.

If you like it, let me know! Tell your husbands, wives, children (maybe not), loved ones!

CLICK HERE FOR MY FIRST VIDEO

Good Lorde.

Have you heard of the recording artist Lorde?

Well she's been on my play list ALL summer, on repeat (currently listening as we speak). 

LOVE Everything. Every song. Joyful. Rejoice!

Here's a new tune of hers for your Tuesday. 

I just feel like joyfully dancing to this new hit.

PS. She's rad, 17 years old, from New Zealand, and refused to tour with Katy Perry (bold move guuuurl)

I've never been more proud...

...of myself.

Who am I? Who is this girl? I have NEVER been this girl.

I'm the girl with the "great personality."

The above statement is true. 3 lucky men had the honor of taking me out this week. And I'm not going to say that it wasn't fun. It totally was. And I totally got either good food or drinks out of it. Do I feel bad saying that's all I got?
 ABSOLUTELY. FUCKING. NOT.
With my low tolerance for bullshit taking and little boy drama these days, I think I deserve to be spoiled a bit.

Two of them I wouldn't mind going out with again.
We'll see if anything happens or if the real men show up.

One thing is for sure, I got my Sassy Pants on. And I think I'll keep them on for awhile.

I'm thinking I should make a vlog of all the dating experiences and conversations I've had, for all you married folk out there.  Remember the dating days? (sigh)

Well, I'm highly considering it.

Tales of the Mysterious iPhone pictures Vol. 1

Once upon a time, in a far away land deemed my iPhone photo library. 

There lies a hidden place; placed behind the smiles, in between moments of laughter, and next door to potential Instagram attempts. This place is where the unexpected lives.

What is this place exactly?

It's only the hidden tales of the mysterious/random photographs on my iPhone.

If you look deeper, you will always find an interesting tale, waiting to be told.

So behold! My tales of my mysterious iPhone pictures.

 1. "i miss yous"

2. That boy DEFINITELY has kooties

3. New York with Ron-Dawg

4. Gourmet camping breakfast

5. They do exist. The Beer Unicorn

6. Gay guys on Tinder seeking women

7. Awesome people I get to work with every day

8. At least she left the window down

9. Rubber desk paper weight

10. Adventures in Doggie sitting

11. hanger met her face two seconds later. meltdown central.

12. Halloween costume ideas

and this horribly pixelated Snap Chat.

Until next time...

101 Updates.

So I have some updates for September from my 101 and 1001 list.

If I was good at blogging, then I would have updated them as they were happening. BUT instead, I'm doing a month overview.

56.  go on a blind date September 2013

The first thing everyone knows about blind dates is that they are super awkward. Talking about them, setting them up, and during the actual date. And let's cut to the chance, it totally was. And it slightly made me feel bad for our kind, knowing that such awful people live in this world. Either way, I went out of my comfort zone and put myself out there. 

What do they say? Gotta get back up on the horse.

I would have preferred to mount (ah! awkward but yet so inappropriate so I kind of still like it) a different horse.

Dating is hard, guys. 

63.  get together with my 2 closest girlfriends September 2013 Kat and Allie in Salt Lake City

 

 The only thing I will ever thank Disneyland for at my time there, was meeting these two special ladies. My Sisterwives/Best Friends came to Salt Lake City to visit me and I couldn't have been a happier lady. They are my sisters and the only two people in my life so far that I know we'll be friends for the rest of our lives. I've missed these ladies so much. I believe it's been about a year since the three of us had gotten together. It's so amazing to know that even though we are all in different states, in different stages of life, when we get together it always goes back to how it was with us. The Triplets.

68.  wear my lipstick September 2013

I am a woman. Because now wear lipstick with the rest of the put-together-women out there. Maybe, I feel more comfortable with it, because I'm older? Something a 26 year old should be wearing. To be woman-like? Right? Anyways, I'm getting comfortable with my shades and learning when and what to wear it with. They are totally growing on me. Cheers to be being a lady/woman/i-don't-know-where-I-fit-in! 

73.  give a guy my number as 867-5309 (I got yo number on the wall) 1st attempt: September 2013

Well, I put first attempt, because the goal is to give my number out like this and not have them notice. So I only got through half of the step, and then he noticed. I was hoping that his beer goggles would prevent him from realizing what I had just done. Nope, I was wrong. He totally noticed. 

I will succeed.

Greys.

It's normal to spend your weekend watching 5 hours worth/10 episodes of Grey's Anatomy, and crying the whole way through it.

That's normal, right?

I am THEE coolest 26 year old that has ever lived among other 26 year olds.

Lists.

So I'm an avid list maker.

I would go to "List Makers Anonymous" if being organized and keeping your sanity was considered unhealthy for you.

I wrote lists for school, I wrote lists at Disneyland, and I write a list every day for work, and write the next day's the evening before the next day.

I'm even one of those people that writes things down even if I know I already did it.

Anyways, my lovely and dear girlie friend Erica (maybe you know her? The fabulous fashion/lifestyle blogger. I mean, I'm also practically her boyfriend because she's my date for everything) created her own different type of list. As a person of list-makers I was intrigued by her 101 things to do in 1001 days (2.75 years); a short term bucket list. She's awesome and has accomplished so many of hers already and has inspired pretty much everyone we work with to create their own.

I have just started mine. I keep editing and adding, then subtracting, and then doubting what I should put. It's harder than you think. 

Can I do all of these?

Is this one ridiculous?

Is this one too lame?

Well, lovelies, I'm sharing my list with you and the journey along the way. So get ready, it's going to be a long, organized, but slightly unorganized/natural and thought out road.

Here's what I have so far and I plan on putting a link up so the 3 of you that read my blog, can blog stalk my journey. And of course catch up on everything I've been doing over time.

SEE MY LIST HERE!

So what's on your list? Are you going to make your own list?

Voicemail.

So this is what my voicemail system THOUGHT I said in my voicemail to a coworker.

So you don't want to make out?!?!

Palms.

This picture really has no relevance to what I'm going to write about besides that both are semi-mythical. One looking and one verbally.

Two years ago, I randomly decided that I wanted to get my palms read. At that point in my life I was in a really bad place. Really bad. To the point where I didn't care whether I woke up the next day (I hate even thinking I felt that way). I felt stuck, was going through heart ache, and really didn't have a plan for the rest of my life.

I just wanted someone else, someone to tell me differently. That my life was going to be different than the Hell I was living. So I went to this lady, to paint this image of a different life, a different Lauren that I wanted to be. An imaginary place.

I won't say I took everything this psychic said to heart, because let's be honest, most of the stuff she said about my future was generic.

If I took away anything from that conversation, it was this comment:

She told me that my soonest peak of happiness would be in the year 2014.

Well, one, I was pissed. 

2014!?! What the hell lady, it's 2011 and that seems like a heck of a long way to wait for happiness. 

Well my friends, it's 2013, and 2014 is just around the corner.

And you know what? I'm pretty darn happy. Right now. In 2013.

The last year hasn't been awful, but I definitely thought I was in a place of "happy" before. Until 2013 happened, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me, and I was forced to create a new life outside of what I thought it was supposed to be. I never thought the possibility of "happier" was actually something, because I thought I was already there.

Boy, was I wrong.

I now know what real happiness is and I am so thankful for it. I realized that happiness wasn't with that person or any sole person in my past. Happiness was within me. And now over time I've accepted and realized that both of us only would achieve our utmost "happiness" when we are apart. And that's when I knew we 100% weren't meant for each other.

 I've had weird moments with 2013, it's been quite emotional, and just thinking about 2013 so far and what's to come in the future almost makes me want to cry. Tears of joy. (Yeah, I'm a crier now. Who am I?). I am so blessed with the life I was given this year and I will never forget it.

2013, it has rocked my socks.  I just want to give it a good hug and cuddle it every night. (weird?)

I am only proud of the things I've accomplished and participated in, in these past few months. I feel like smiling or maybe crying at the same time (again, with the crying).

If this is what 2013 is like, and 2014 I'm supposed to be happier?

I think my heart might explode and knowing me I'll feel super guilty about stealing all this happiness for myself. But at the same time I want to lock myself in a room with it because I'm so scared this feeling will go away. I don't want it too. I want to stay this Lauren for a long time.

So, can we stay here for awhile? Pretty Please. Happy is a place I'd like to eventually call my permanent home.

FACT #26

I once took State in an acting competition for Pantomiming.

I wish I could say I was even half lying.

Siblings.

Clearly, my youngest brother got the Jacobson Gene.

Which includes all out ridiculousness.

We. Are. Family.

All my brothers, and no sisters, and ME!

(please, tell me you were singing the song. I wrote it to fit perfectly, like it's my day job.)

FACT #25

If I could have everything, half, a quarter of my fashion board on Pinterest, in real life...

I would probably be one bad-ass fashion blogger.

Westerner

I never thought in my life I would be thankful for my mother's obsession with the actor Kevin Bacon. I always wondered how this would affect me in my adult years. Is this much Kevin Bacon facts useful? Did I really need to see the movie Tremors?

On Saturday night I finally benefited from the over exposure I had to the movie Footloose, as a child.

Thank you, Kevin Bacon.

Because of you and your rebel dance moves as the character Ren, I properly knew how to prepare myself for a real cowboy bar. On the dance floor, would I come across more of an Ariel or a Willard?
So many questions.

Well me and my lady friends made it a goal to help Erica knock "riding a mechanical bull" off her 101 thing in 1001 days list. Didn't need to tell this group twice, we put on our sassy shorts and cowboy boots on as quick as you can say, "yee haw". (lame joke?)

Oh, The Westerner.

 I pretty much expected the cowboys there would be more of the tall, handsome, farm fed type men. Well, clearly, those type of cowboys don't go to this bar. Although, there was a hard wood dance floor, line dancing, belt buckles, mechanical bulls, and a live country band. Enough really to get your American on.

So here I leave you with some quotes, pictures, and videos that you can all decode for yourselves.

"I look like Taylor Swift."

"I just saw that woman's vagina."

"Country line dancing is the only form of dancing that white people can do well."

  

Texts #3

photo

More things you shouldn't text to a girl you're trying to date:

(said person commented on his trip to Vegas)

"Word, hopefully I don't melt out there."

"Oh my gosh, I know! Pool all day for sure."

"Yeah, pool lyfe"

I hope you don't talk like this in real "lyfe".

Texts #2

Texts you should never send to a girl you're trying to date:

"Why do you like the episode of Girls where they do coke, so much?"

"Uh, cause it's hilarious."

"So you're not a coke head?"

"Um, no. Never. I hope you're joking when you asked me that?"

"Well, most people find something that hilarious because they can relate to it."

"Um, yeah no."

FACT #24

The only reason that I'm so bad at updating my blog is probably because I just lead this ridiculous-at-all-times slash amazing life.

I mean, it's quite obvious.

Duh.

Strawberry.

Strawberry Days 2013.

It has come and gone, and the only thing I get to keep is the weight I gained from it.

Unless you grew up in the Pleasant Grove area, you can't possibly understand everyone in that town's love for that week in June.

Everyone, I mean EVERYONE who has lived there is obsessed with it.

One time, while I was living in California, I planned a trip out here around me being able to attend the rodeo. And I cried when my flights got all messed up.

At least we can say I'm passionate about something, right?

This year, was not disappointing. My friend Whitney and I attended and had a jolly old time watching the Wild Cow Milking competition, the little ones riding sheep, and OF COURSE most importantly,

THE STRAWBERRIES.

Thank god, Strawberry days is named after something that you can enjoy in several ways.

Poor Spanish Fork got Onion Days.

Texts #1

Things you shouldn't text someone you're trying to date, but of course, I did:

"My karaoke song is 'My Humps' by the Black Eyed Peas"

"Except it's not very accurate because I don't have lady parts and have the body of a 13 year old boy"

"Lady LUMPS! Lumps! I have lady parts, I promise."

"This just got weird."

Bum.

Because I now feel comfortable talking about it.

Let's talk about this one time I got punched by a bum.

It sounds ridiculous and as I say it now I am laughing.
 But all is true.

Last Wednesday, I, Lauren Christine, was punched in the back by a bum for no logical reason at all.

I'd like to think that maybe I was at a level of awesome he didn't like? Or that maybe he didn't like my outfit and shoe combo that day?  I really don't know why.

All jokes aside, it was really scary. I don't think I've ever had anything like that happen to me ever. This man was seriously crazy, starting screaming at us and aggressive. I'm still in shock how odd it was.  I'm really glad that no one was seriously hurt because I know things could have been a lot worse if they wanted to be.
Either way, I did what I know best, cry.
I just kept crying. As dramatically as I possibly could, with thee worst crying face possible.

Cried right after.
Cried to the two men asking if we were okay.
Cried as we walked back.
Cried in a work meeting (yes)

Luckily, I have great friends who also accept my ugly crying face.

The next day I was greeted with pink Mace and "I'm sorry you got hit by a bum" flowers.

Later in the week when my mom asked me how I was doing, I told her that I thought I was doing better, but that I probably have Hepatitis. And that I was going to see if it went away before I decided to go to the doctor's.

She didn't think it was funny.

Jef.

"I feel so 'Sex in the City' tonight, minus the whole sex thing. So I guess that just makes us just 'in The City' "

-Yours truly

Jef with one 'F' was right behind us when Erica and I went to the Green Pig last weekend.

We slightly freaked out, and he quickly made the right decision to run straight for the door.

 

And I'm pretty sure a lady brought her beer into the bathroom stall with her.

I found that odd, slash unsanitary.

 

 

26.

26.

Or should I say, old. 

Yay, now I get to pay for my own health insurance. Things are looking up, guys!

I recently turned the big 2-6 and normally I'm not a big fan of my birthday. It's hard to believe but I'm not into all the attention. Plus, my birthday over the years hasn't had the greatest track record. About 80% of them have been ruined or awful. Whether it was woke up with chicken pox, stomach flu, boyfriend gets in a fight with me, friend got arrested, boyfriend dumped me, etc.

This is one made up for the bad ones. I'm hoping it's an omen to how the rest of the year will be. Just happy and good.

The weekend before my birthday I went and visited my Sister Wife, Ronni all the way in New York for a last minute weekend trip. It was the best 72 hours and decision I've ever made! It was so nice to catch up because I have not seen her in almost two years (when we both still lived in Southern California).

 Took the red eye. This photo is a result of mixing a stein of beer and a benadryl to help me sleep=help me get closer to crazy.

 Saturday night, Ronni set up a dinner with me and all of her New York friends. We had amazing dinner over drinks. I felt so adult like.

 YES, this is Ronni's view on her rooftop. It was so dreamy!

 Another word to describe this weekend= Carbs (the sourdough twist infused with dark chocolate chips......gah to die for!)

 Every time I see these homes, I think of Sex and The City. (Sigh)

 Sunday we went and saw the Mets play. We were able to get free upgraded seats. But the most importantly, of course, I saw another Angels fan there, screamed my head off, and scared the living daylights out of them.

Normal, Lauren. Act, Normal.

The following weekend my little ladies from work were so great and joined me for a REAL soccer game and a night out to Keys on Main.

That whole night was just a freakin' blast. Pretty sure, if I recall the following happened:

-Us waddling around in the kitchen

-Us imitating the meanest person we work with

-Erica invented the beer unicorn

-meeting Outback Anthony

 -Julia ate 18" of hot dog

-at a player meet and greet, all I cared about was eating a cookie

-at Keys I requested Melissa Etheridge's "Come to my window." (I meant business...so serious I handed my song request to the piano player with my embarrassing $4 and with a straight face, looked her in the eyes and said, "It's my birthday." And slowly pushed the money towards her...like a serious business deal was going down.)

-She never played my song

-Carey started dancing on the chair

 Clearly, I'm taking this Single thing seriously.

 On my actual birthday my oldest friend Anna and her husband were so great and took me out for birthday brunch.

It was just such a great birthday. Makes up for all the others.

Thank you to everyone!

Suits.

Not to be confused with the suits you were Monday-Friday.

Swim Suits.

My guilty pleasure. I kid you not.

And now that I live in a complex that has a pool, so naturally every weekend will be dedicated to me only wearing my swim suits all day, every day.

Fact: I browse at swim suits pretty much all year round. And when I love one, it's like a puppy in the window. I HAVE TO HAVE ONE!

So, sadly my best Sister Wife knows me all too well and sent me a Victoria's Secret gift card for my birthday and told me to get a new swim suit.

Seconds later, of course I was browsing, and now I can't decide.

Help!

Which one do you like best?

(1)

(2)

(3)

 (4)

(5)

ps. i have an embarrassing amount of swim suits. I'm not ashamed.

No.

Hello, Friends.

This post is a clear example of the phrase, "Just Say No."

This post will show several instantances where the classic Junior High D.A.R.E. program phrase could/should have been accurately depicted.

A few Saturdays ago my friend Erica (you should head over and check out her cute blog over here.) decided it was a good night to go out.

One of those, forget about the exes, and bring out your single lady kind of nights.

Our mutual work friend asked us to meet up with him and his friends at this one bar downtown.

At this point, we should have said "no," but didn't know it, it would have spare us this entire post.

Now for the list of things that prove we did not make good life choices that night:

-waiting outside "club/bar/hookah bar" Inferno
-noticing go-go dancers in duct tape underwear, pom pom bras, and green furry boots
-the go-go dancers bad life choice that night was the duct tape underwear, hate to think about trying to take those suckers off at the end of the night
-when the bouncer came out, 7 feet tall, wearing an all white suit, and gold chains
-walking in and noticing girls in Caution tape and bubble wrap
-the age ranged only newly 21 year old girls and 35-40 men
-there was a dance floor, where nothing good was happening
-a girl where was wearing nude color pasties on her...uh...lady friends, and nothing else

We should have said "No" to all of thee above, if we had known.

Do not move forward, and do NOT pass go.

We booked it right out of there. Never to return.

Clearly not our most shining moment.

And then there was the craving for Taco Bell. And that was probably the only good YES decision made the entire night.

20.

Count down is on.

20 days until I'm out in New York with my Sister Wife, Ronni!

I'm so excited, Memorial Day here I come!

Bad.

Apparently, my toosh gets more attention than my face does these days.

Few weeks ago, at a bar with my friends...a midget of a man walked by and touched my toosh.

And when I say midget, I mean he wasn't really one. But was at least half a foot shorter than me flat footed.

Later, come find out he was an old elementary school friend with one of my friends I was with. And came to say hello.

We just avoided the fact that he did that and let him be super drunk.

Word.

So for work we had an internal workshop and part of our homework was to ask those who know us to use one to two words that they would use to describe us.

No explanation needed.

Thank you for the contribution brother, and now you've become more popular with my friends than I am.

Where does this kid come up with this stuff?

I'm assuming growing up on too much reality TV.